Crayon Outlines
When i was 6, I freaked out in school because the teacher asked me to cut out the drawing of a horse I had made. If I cut inside the line, wouldn't the liquid horse inside pour out the hole? I've been obsessed with the idea of identifying, selecting, and naming ever since. What happens when we cut through those thick crayon outlines that we use to outline what we think we know? This blog is about unusual juxtapositions, border crossings, and cognitive adjustment.
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
"What did you expect?" he murmured. "Time passes."
"That's how it goes," Úrsula said, "but not so much."
When she said it she realized that she was giving the same reply that Colonel Aureliano Buendía had given in his death cell, and once again she shuddered with the evidence that time was not passing, as she had just admitted, but that it was turning in a circle.
I also think of Groundhog Day. This must be what history teachers feel like all the time.
The cycle of violence we're currently stuck in is both predictable and inevitable. Predictable because it's inevitable, and inevitable because we are not willing to do that which would keep it from being predictable.
We get close, but then back off.
"We are one," they say on social media. People post profile pictures with the French flag background. Football players sing La Marsallaise. We are one with Paris, just like we were Charlie Hebdo not long ago and everyone was a New Yorker for awhile. And we are, of course. If we are watching, listening, reading, wondering about people we know in Paris, remembering a great visit, contemplating lost high school French, mentally numbering the address of the flat we stayed in while studying there, then we are feeling sadness, confusion, anger but most of all solidarity.
I say "we" because the English-speaking world I exist in has porous borders across Le Monde and Youtube and Facebook and other international communication platforms. When I say "we" I call up a common bank of media memories, the canon that organizes our worldview through Western mass communication. It's the same reason we had trouble finding much attention for the murders in Kenya or Beirut, as those hovered just outside the closed media universe of CNN and lightyears from right wing outlets.
Don't get me wrong: I may be cynical about the political and corporate agenda packaging our reaction to this tragedy, but I'm not cynical about the genuine expression of good will toward the residents of a city in pain. In fact. I think that's the only thing that makes any sense.
We are one. It feels good to say it. Our whole body knows it's right and important. Feeling empathy, feeling with someone else, is the biggest thing there is, connecting each of us to someone else across time and space. Across the ultimate boundary that is our own skin. Our amazing nervous system helps us picture and physically feel connected to friends, families, children being beaten, women enduring abuse, black students fed up with institutionalized racism, Malala, scenes of people in shock outside a nightclub. Empathy is perhaps the best gift that evolution gave us.
So we are all Paris. It's not hard for us to feel loss and sadness. We are so connected, after all. We love their baguettes, we love their films, Proust, we love their easy elegance and sexual liberation. We love the tree-lined streets in the City of Lights and the people who live there--who really know how to live, we say. We love the version of ourselves that loves Paris too, so we feel deeply disturbed by an attack on them. We feel attacked ourselves. If we push the circle of caring a little further out we can also find compassion for the recent refugees hoping for a respite from fear, cold, and hunger in France, especially those living in a garbage dump in Calais. To most of us, they don't seem much different from most Americans' ancestors, who endured war, poverty, and famine before getting into boats to make their way to Ellis Island. We may not know terror for real, but we know something of it by proxy. If we dig a little deeper we find ourselves feeling with the second generation French immigrants who still suffer in their attempts to live between cultures, even as those struggles sometimes result in stand offs of fractured assimilation and sporadic violence in the suburbs. But we are educated, progressive. We can feel their plight. We might even be able to understand the fears of people in Europe and the US and their misguided impulse to build walls and dig moats and send boots and guns. We can hold all of this in our minds at the same time. We are large, as Whitman said, We contain multitudes.
But we also inherited from our early human ancestors the need and ability to categorize. Our brains are differential machines that relentlessly sort observations and experiences. And so for millions of years we have practiced sorting for survival by creating all kinds of categories, including social groups. Everyone who has studied social science 101 knows how easy it is to create and destroy in/out group formations. We've all studied Tajfel's famous Klee and Kandinsky study. And if not, well, you've been an 8th grader, so you know how it works: Us or them, this or that, sucks or cool, Sharks or Jets.
It's not hard to empathize with suffering Parisians. They fall naturally in our sphere. They were living their lives and suddenly got brutally attacked. The people who died were not soldiers or representatives of their countries abroad. They weren't hurting people but were just watching sports, listening to music, sitting in cafes. In no way did they deserve to be killed. But that seems to be where we draw the line. It's where, in the push pull between our ability to empathize and our need to categorize, the latter wins. It's hard not to give into black and white narrative: They were innocent, the killers are guilty. Punto final. Who among us would try extending the circle of caring out from there? Who will say, I will calculate the radius from me out into the world to include as many as I can?
Who would dare say, "I do not just feel with the victims but the perpetrators too"?
Not many, I bet. The Dalai Lama, maybe? That nun that Susan Sarandon played in Dead Man Walking. Nurses who tend the wounds of serial killers. But what about ordinary people, those of us who do not have years of practice in perspective-taking and forgiveness? Well, Linda Ragsdale would. An artist turned peace activist, Linda was one of the few who survived the systematic murders in the hotel in Mumbai in 2008. She tells the story of how the attackers went table by table, methodically ensuring that there were as many casualties and as few survivors as possible. As she speaks, she holds her body--even after many surgeries--as only one with a meter long scar does. She tells about how the shooter not only broke her body but her heart too. Because Linda finds, every day, in the predictable line dividing love and hate, friend and foe, a tiny space for ambiguity, an unexpected opening of compassion for her attacker. She reminds herself that on the other side of that gun there was a person. She says she doesn't believe that killer wanted, as a child, to become what he became.
Lydia Wilson dares to think it as well. Democracy Now! just featured her interview with ISIS prisoners, lost, angry by-products of the Western invasion. Is there no way for us to find even a scrap of empathy for the radicalized--especially when our own countries contributed to the radicalization?
Yeah, I know. It makes me uncomfortable to think it, much less write it. But there's a part of me that can't lay off it either. I don't feel innocent enough to condemn the guilty. I don't feel certain enough to hate.
I would like to learn to create that space Linda Ragsdale told me and my class about. I tried after 9/11 and made a mess of it. Everywhere I went there were people shocked and grieving. I knew that I felt empathy but also that my sadness didn't take the same form as others'. I couldn't figure it out. I thought I was maybe an emotional cripple or a sociopath. But slowly it dawned on me that it wasn't that I didn't care about the suffering of the people in New York. I did. I was overwhelmed by it. It's just that I didn't care more about their suffering than other people's. I felt like I was supposed to triage suffering and put that of people from my own country ahead of others'. I felt unpatriotic at a time when patriotism was the thing. Maybe because I knew from having recently lived in East Africa that the bombings in New York weren't coming out of nowhere, I remember that I just really wasn't that surprised that it had happened. Every time I expressed this to someone, though, they looked at me like I had just invoked the devil or spat on Gandhi or something. I tried to explain that I wasn't justifying Al Qaeda's actions, just saying that in terms of the range of human behavior, those actions made sense. In terms of what had been going on in the region both in the years before but also the centuries before, that the attacks had a kind of sense to them, that I could understand how from a certain point of view, bombing the US would seem like the thing to do. Saying this usually horrified people, so I stopped saying it and just nodded when people around me said--and then voted--to "get the fuckers who did this," even when, as even the willfully ignorant now know, the fuckers we went after weren't the fuckers who did it.
So, I risk being misunderstood when I say that although I feel sick for the people of Paris, it's important not to put their suffering ahead of others' just because they are familiar and therefore a shorter stretch for our empathy. Can we push out the area of our caring circle to the Muslim kids in Paris and other places who will suffer in the days to come for somehow being associated with this latest violence? For the refugees who will find that gates open last week are now closed by those who don't realize or don't care that the refugees are fleeing the same people who did this. But also, in a tiny part of our brain, for the people who applaud the shootings, who created the hashtag Paris burns? Because they are people, and the people who became terrorists are people. Because they were born and came to see the world in a very different way, and I want to know why. Because we can see perspectives without committing to them. Because we can understand actions without agreeing with them. After all, nothing human is really alien to another human.
Is it frightening to consider that the attacks in Paris or Beirut or Kenya or now Nigeria have a context? I guess it is. Ironically, maybe we fear the context not because we can't understand it but because we're afraid we will. We're afraid of the cognitive dissonance that would arise from another perspective of events. Again, this seems to be a great advantage to our species: making sense out of complexity with straitghtforward reasoning or a simple narrative. Once our brains grab it, though, that's what we stick with, even in the face of a mountain of contradictory evidence. It's hard work to deconstruct belief, especially knowing how much cognitive effort it will take to put a better mental track in its place. We have a hard enough time conceiving of non-threatening events in the distant past in a new light. How can we have the will to adjust our thinking in the present? Just look at the resistance to re-framing Columbus in a way more consistent with current facts and evidence. Who would think anyone would still celebrate Columbus Day knowing what we know in the 21st century? But if we revise our opinion of Columbus, we might have to revise our opinion of the European conquest, and then we'd have to question Manifest Destiny and the entire formation of the US. I'm not suggesting that we are guilty for atrocities committed ages ago by other people. But we can be guilty of perpetuating what came out of the genocide, slavery, and environmental destruction that went along with the settling of the Americas. We can be guilty of framing events that hurt other people as the necessary evils of progress or our own short-term interest. And to avoid doing that, we have to look honestly at the context in which those events happened, from as many points of view as possible.
And the same is true of Paris. People there suffered, are suffering. We empathize. We create solidarity. We can't help it, and it's beautiful. But these events are not occurring in a vacuum, and I'm not just talking about the current threat to Europe from terrorism. There's a larger frame of the last 15 years (the post-9/11 Big Brother world of perpetual invasion), a larger frame of the last 40 years (pro-petroleum policies and puppet dictatorships), a larger frame (post-WWII carving up of territory), and ever larger frames, leading back through colonialism to the Crusades and back and back. I remember being schooled by my Muslim students in Ethiopia about my tiny understanding of the scope of the first Gulf War. I thought it was about the illegal annexation of Kuwait. They thought that was hilarious, and also dangerous. I don't really know what that war was about, only that my students and I seemed worlds apart from each other as our various countries chose sides and we as world citizens tried hard not to and read Anna Karenina instead. Narratives in the real world, just like the novels we were studying, were driven by the framing of events: who was doing the framing and for what purpose? The rational ask: So what does it matter how you frame events as long as the facts are the same? Well they're not, are they. The juxtapositions, the correlations, the conclusions all derive from and reinforce a perspective. If there's a core lesson of the second half of 20th century academia it's that there is no neutral version of events, and yet when the world blows up we forget it. We jump back into our familiar categories and tropes. It's nearly impossible not to. But how can we understand why people do what they do if we don't know how they think? And how can we know that if we're not willing to climb inside their skin and walk around in it for awhile?
So, as my heart hurts for people in Paris, and for all who are suffering because of last week's attacks, I remind myself to keep trying to see other points of view. Points of view that I find barbarous, that I don't actually want in my brain at all. But I honestly don't see another way to stop the cycle. If we don't learn to take not just Parisians' perspective but the perspective of the ones who attacked them, then how can we ever stop it? I'm not just talking about seeing these events in a historical context. That's a start. But more than that we have to stop thinking of the actors in this perpetual historical drama in terms of nations and religions and dynasties and organizations and begin to see this violent, reactionary behavior as a tendency of our species. A tendency that is not destiny because it's not the only feature we have as humans. We have pride, greed, vengeance, and the ability to sell ourselves whatever narrative makes us look like the hero. But we also have meta-cognition and the ability to examine our own lives and motivations. (Am I the voice in my head or the voice that questions the voice in my head?) We can interrupt even ingrained patterns. Buddhists know it, your piano teacher knew it, neuroscientists know it. We can create new responses. We can change, grow, adapt.
We have to. The weapons are too big, distances too small, borders too porous, resources too finite, the world on the edge as it is. As we condemn others' violence we have to be really careful not to commit a hundred other kinds of violence ourselves in the process. We have to do the one thing we really don't want to do, but it's really the only thing that will ever work to break this seemingly infinite loop: love others as we love ourselves. To be one with all of it, even the part we hate. And we need to start now.
Friday, August 7, 2015
Graduation speech to the class of 2015
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Constellation
Here is a coffee table photo of my daughter
toothy smile and soft map of freckles
eyes open as palms
her face a whale’s call
a self-portrait
reminding this me
that moments are coastlines
and she lives there between land and sea
seven forever within her frame
Next to her a photo of my mother
the same age I am now
her eyes like Sirens
success stitched into her dress
The frame can hardly contain her
frozen life expanding like ice
Her voice breaks through the cracks: there is still time
Here is my fault line
where continents slide past each other
like cross country trains in the dark
where a prairie becomes a sudden gorge
revealing layers of sediment past
and the core is forced to the surface.
I hold one picture in each hand
and create a meridian
through my body
to link shores and seas
and torn continents
but each resists the shift
insists on territory
So I close my eyes and make each of us a planet
in a large enough galaxy
but with mutual pull
With my outstretched arms
I draw zodiac lines connecting our lights
And set the picture of our souls against the sky.
The Tiger's Wife
Origin
The intersections I'm most interested in right now are the growing overlap between cognitive psychology and neurology, the change of the human brain from reading brain to digital brain, common ground between mythology and science, the ways in which language shapes our thinking, and stories (fiction or film) and visual art that feature Jungian elements, folk tales, and myth.